I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
