I accidentally had phone sex last night
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize