Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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