Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
there is glitter all over my balls
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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