i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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