i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
