So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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