I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
