You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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