I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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