I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
