she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
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I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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