Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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