god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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