great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
