in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
