i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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