I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You smell like stripper and shame
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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