Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
