brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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