i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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