**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
