4 words: hood of his car
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
