My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
