My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
