Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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