fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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