Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
