ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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