is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
