Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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