I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We got so high we made milksteak
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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