he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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