Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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