I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
