I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
