he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize