Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
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YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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