yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
someone owes me an orgasm
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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