so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
