you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
