im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
