I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My penis needs a shock collar
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
