He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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