Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
