When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
