those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
