Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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