Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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