woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i love accidental penises.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
