I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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