the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
