Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
PANTIES FOUND
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
