I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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