i permit you to call me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
