Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
