i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
