is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
