think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
