He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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