If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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