I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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