Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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